SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
