Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
