There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
