I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
