marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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