So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
