While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."