4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
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its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
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With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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