Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize