If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
