Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
