if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
