Nicole vs. Life
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on