Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.