I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
NoShamevember. You game?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
This is classic penis vs brain.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
