so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He kissed a someone with a penis
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
