I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
