Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
