I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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