I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
