you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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