White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
