ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
