I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
