I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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