Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
