Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
