nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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