I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize