have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
