It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
