why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
