Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
