So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
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I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
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Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.