I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
