I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
The Olympian is in my bed
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