I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
