You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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