guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
