I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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