You're completely useless in the revolution.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
