the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
