Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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