I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
