First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
