I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
