Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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