is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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