there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
