she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
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I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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