i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
