this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
