Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
