There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Panties = found
Randomize
