He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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