so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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