:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
