Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
