I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
