i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Ketchup is God's man juice
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
