none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
