i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
