I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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