He asked me if I "almost moaned"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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