3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
