I'm laying in your front yard are you home
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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