Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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