Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
