I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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