I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
