I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize