Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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