dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
