my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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