put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
