I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
