It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
