Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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