the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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