Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
i think i just lost a toe
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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