Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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