And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
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I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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